This morning I was tired.
I was speaking at our local Women Aglow meeting last night so had been a bit later home. The time was precious though and the gentle Presence of Holy Spirit really rested on the place as we prayed for hearts that would be stirred by only One thing.
(I was speaking, but still totally challenged by this area of fixing our gaze on Jesus and being yoked to Him, going in the same direction…)
But by the time the evening finished I was feeling spiritually refreshed, but physically shattered.
And then, I arrived home, jammied-up (that’s not an actual word is it?!), collapsed on my bed… And the dog decided to be hyper.
And really loud.
11.17pm and I am chasing the dog around the house as he throws a bone from his mouth, into the air and then speeds across the lounge in full dippiness.
It made me laugh this morning.
But not last night.
So, I finally fall back into bed just before midnight, close my eyes, melt into my pillow… And Skype rings.
And as it’s a super-lovely friend with a heart of gold who just never happens to never think about the time difference, I answer.
And have a wee chat.
Now, remember, I am the girl whose early nights equal being in my bed at 9pm.
I am the girl whose brain turns to mush by 10pm.
And I am the girl who you will never get sense out of if you attempt to talk to me in half-sleep-half-brain mode.
So this morning, I was tired.
My normal enthusiastic bound-out-of-bed was more of a forced crawl for the kettle.
And my usual in-the-office-by-7.30 was postponed until just after 8.
One thing made my morning more bearable. (Obviously, other than my time with the Lord, but THAT goes without saying!)
Wearing clashing colours/patterns/clothes.
It just brought a smile to my face.
And the faces of everyone in my office.
Now, I am known for my slightly eclectic fashion sense.
(One of my friends once told me, ‘Pete, I think you might actually be wearing ALL the patterns in one outfit…’)
But truthfully, my fashion sense has got a bit wackier over this last 8 months. A bit brighter. A bit more clashing. Increasingly loopy.
Because I feel like me again. The me who is healed. The me who is whole. The me who God created me to be.
The me who wears bright, bold, clashing patterns, and wears them confidently because they’re just a tiny-outward-expression of the inward freedom and joy that Abba abundantly gives every day.
The me who smiles. From the inside-out.
And the me who feels fully content in being me, being loved by Holy Spirit, and pressing in to fall more in love with Jesus.
Misty Edwards often says, ‘Until we find what God is looking for, we will never find what we are looking for.’
And I guess that’s my heart’s prayer right now. That as I rejoice in the freedom that He has so abundantly given, I would respond to Him with the WHOLE of my heart, and find all I could ever want or need IN Him.
Gazing at those eyes of fire.
My soul’s security.
He who gives me the confidence to wear clashing colours…
… And tell everybody I meet why.