When I was 18, which is 10 pretty long year ago now, I remember our senior pastor doing a teaching series that will forever remain seared into my mind.
This one phrase I will always remember.
‘When you look into the eyes of an anointed person, you see brokenness’.
I remember being 18. Hearing those words. Contemplating them.
I really wanted to work for God, and be used by God more, and see His power overflow in my life. I really longed for an anointing.
But brokenness? Not so much.
I remember going forwards for prayer at that service because something had gripped me… But I still didn’t really get it. Not really. I didn’t want to go through any trial. Not real trial. I didn’t want to go through any pain. Not real pain. And I wanted to be used by God… But changed by God? Broken by God? Moulded by God? That didn’t sound so pretty.
But I still remember that sermon. A seared into my mind phrase. And I have remembered it many times since.
Because I still long to be used by God, and I love those moments where He allows me to pray for somebody, or share testimony, or when I am priviledged to see Holy Spirit bring healing or freedom or salvation or hope…
But this last decade… I’ve been learning a lot about brokenness.
And what it means when God breaks you. And what it means when others break you. And what it means when my own choices break me. But learning and learning and growing and growing in the realness of it all. In the mess of it all. In the humanity of it all.
Because of this one key truth.
Brokenness is precious in the sight of God.
It really, truly is.
It’s a neccessary requirement.
Like Joseph. Before he could change a nation, he had to learn the lessons of humility in the face of prison-condemning accusation. Because then we learn how to handle the dreams of God with care.
Like Moses. Before he could lead the people, he had to learn the lessons of brokenness in the wilderness. Because the mountain of God is in the wilderness.
Like David. Before he could become King he had to be the neglected shepherd-boy-son. Because we learn how to praise when we cling to God in the loneliness. Like, like, like… every single person who carried an anointing of Yahweh in Bible.
I think brokenness brings about heart changes. It brings about sorrow. It brings about repentance. The desire to not repeat the mistakes of the past and to turn away from things that hinder.
And a broken and contrite heart, He will never despise.
I think in brokenness we acknowledge our need for God and complete inability to do it by ourselves. We acknowledge that we are like the marred clay that Jeremiah saw, which needs to be totally remoulded by the potter.
Now, I don’t really enjoy being broken. It hurts. It’s painful. It means I cry tears. It means I often pray that God will zoom in and save the day immediately like some superhero-Jesus, instead on waiting on Him in patient faith and trusting Him in the process. Of brokenness.
I’m so glad I trust a God who brings His anointing through our brokenness.
What grace is that?
My great weakness is transformed by His strength.
My great ugliness is changed by His beauty.
My great failure is redeemed by His grace.
Because that way, He gets all the glory.
And I learn that there’s beauty in the brokenness. And that where I see only ashes in the dust, He sees the high-tall-faith-buildings of the ages crowded with jasper and sardius stone.
Because I might be a mess. But I am also a jewel of the Most High God.