Pursuing my beautiful weight. And NOT watching 50 Shades of Grey.

My housemate Ayumi and me are on a bit of a healthy eating kick at the moment. I’ve actually been pretty rubbish… With too many pancakes and chocolate fondue last week ruining my best intentions.

However, she began about 2 weeks ago. Not a diet. Just a cut down on the vast amount of bread, pasta, milk and sugary products that we slipped into consuming on a daily basis, and an increase of vegetables, sweet potato and fish to compensate.

Our motivation for this current month of becoming a little more healthy is actually pretty vain… We both have a few events next month that we’d like to look our best at.

As Ayumi so eloquently put it, ‘Right now I am my healthy weight. But maybe with a bit of healthy eating I could be my beautiful weight.’

I love that.

I laughed for a long time about that particularly chosen phrase.

The idea of being our beautiful weight.

If you’re a woman you can probably resonate. Maybe if you’re a guy too… But I don’t know so much about it.

But it looks a bit like this.

I’m super duper short, so my healthy weight is anywhere between 45 and 50 kilos.

And so 50 kilos may still be one of my healthy weight options.

But 47 kilos would be my beautiful weight.

The weight where if I’m being healthy about it (which I totally believe you should be!), I’m eating well, I’m eating balanced, and I’m doing some exercise along with it.

And that’s not a bad aim right? I really feel we should show good stewardship of this body God has given us… Meaning, I’ll never be a salad-only girl… Nor will I be a chocolate only girl.

I’m going for balance.

And it’s a balance that everyday I make small choices over. And those small choices lead to be big result in my overall health.

Because honestly speaking, I’m most happy when I’m my beautiful weight.

I feel better where I can run a while without feeling like I will pass out. I feel best when my clothes have room to let me comfortably eat a huge meal.

Right now, in the post-winter-indulgence-health-kick, we’re making a few sacrifices for the cause for a few weeks in order to counter a week where far too many pancakes were consumed.

It means that on Tuesday, despite the fact that in the UK it was pancake day, in our house… NO real pancakes were eaten.

Hear that people. I didn’t eat pancakes on pancake day.

It’s like a miracle in itself.

Instead we ate these healthy fake pancake things that combined soy pulp, potato starch, two bananas and some unsweetened cinnamon.

Sounds gross right?

Tasted… Honestly? They tasted strangely delicious?! Go figure. In a completely-I-know-this-is-totally-good-for-my-health kind of way. In a totally this-is-only-vaguely-like-a-pancake-way.

But we had a whole lot of fun trying something new.

But this idea of my small choices in eating influencing my overall health… Influencing my beautiful weight… Is something I’ve been mulling over this week.

I think spiritually I have a kind of beautiful weight. Not as a math or a science, but as a place with God where I am praying always, and loving the word, and feeding my spirit with what is pure goodness.

And sometimes I let it slide.

I want to see how much I can get away with and still be within the ‘healthy weight’ option. But my spirit knows deep down that I’m not entirely in the right place. My prayer life is dull and my mind is weak and I’m making bad choices in the small things that then influence the big things.

I might not have slipped into an unhealthy weight that everyone else notices, but when it’s just me and the Holy Spirit, we both know that I’m not in the most beautiful place I could be.

And why would I want to deliberately choose to live life in a place that isn’t the most beautiful it could be?


In the UK, the rather controversial book-turned-movie 50 Shades of Grey hit the cinemas this weekend.

And social media responded with strong reactions on either side of the fence.

Some people said it was just a movie. Some people said it was an abomination of the devil.

For me I guess it comes down to being my beautiful weight.

Spiritually speaking.

I won’t be seeing 50 Shades of Grey, in the same way that I choose not to see many current movies.

For the main motivation of maintaining my eyesight on what is good for me.

I’ve never read the books. I’m not interested in the film.

And that opinion is rooted in my desire to pursue a relationship with the Holy Spirit, my desire to not watch what I then can’t unsee, and also….

Let’s get really real for a moment.

I lived in a sexually abusive situation for a number of years.

Different from the movies, but rooted in the same human problem.

It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t glamorous. It wasn’t Hollywood. I almost didn’t survive it. And my happy ending was painfully fought for.

Regaining my beautiful weight physically and spiritually after that experience is something that I’m not willing to compromise lightly.

And teaching anyone that abuse is ok is so completely not ok with me.

I believe we should be in the world as Christians. Not of it. I spend my time with friends, in cafes, in bars… But that’s to shine Jesus and not to grieve Him.

And so I want to pursue Him with wholehearted fullness.

And I want to be a healthy weight even if it means I miss out on a few cinema trips from time to time.

And with that, let me finish with some some photos of our healthy pancake night!

If you want to check out some more of my thoughts on this stuff you can read a blog on it here – https://beautifulsilliness.com/2013/11/11/lust-is-the-great-enemy-of-love/image



8 thoughts on “Pursuing my beautiful weight. And NOT watching 50 Shades of Grey.

  1. Hi, I found your blog through our mutual friend Levi and the idea of a ‘beautiful weight’ made me smile. I am currently at mine, due to food poisoning on Monday. Not ideal.
    On a more serious note, I agree with you about 50SoG. I’m so desperately sorry for your past experience and – never having experienced that myself – I still find myself appalled at how this movie basically promotes domestic abuse. I’m avoiding it too.

  2. I loved this, and it’s going down in my favourite quotes book: “I believe we should be in the world as Christians. Not of it. I spend my time with friends, in cafes, in bars… But that’s to shine Jesus and not to grieve Him.”

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