Today I had a surprise delivery.
A white scarf.
I didn’t notice it had been delivered for a good few hours.
I normally hear the mail box, but for whatever reason, this morning I didn’t and the scarf instead sat there untouched until I was about to leave the house at 11.30am.
What’s interesting for me is that this morning I was wrestling with hearing God. Or not hearing God.
I was in one of those long conversations with God that actually feels a bit one sided.
Like you’re speaking to the ceiling.
But as I was praying for God to speak to me, the exact way that He wanted to speak to me this morning had just landed in front of my letter box.
I just hadn’t noticed it yet.
This morning I was actually wrestling with some old struggles. Some bad memories. Some old feelings of shame. Some questions. Some fear.
Isn’t it funny than in having the courage to always trust Love one more time, you have to sometimes wrestle through some of the things that can tie you up.
So that Love can release you all over again.
And keep releasing you over and over again.
So honestly, sometimes I wrestle with the same questions. I wrestle with my past. I wrestle with my future. And in the messiness of life I try and honour a God who loves me with all my passion and energy and perseverance.
But it can be really hard. Really, really hard.
It’s a wrestle.
And this morning I really wanted God to break through my wrestling and just speak to me about His love.
But it felt like He wasn’t speaking to me this morning.
Even though He’d already spoken. But I just hadn’t noticed it yet.
I wonder sometimes how often that happens. I miss what God is doing because my eyes aren’t opened. The glory of God doesn’t always come in the container I want it to. It doesn’t always fit in my pre-packaged understanding of grace. It doesn’t always barge right into my living room. Sometimes it waits in the porch to greet me on my way out the door.
And so this morning I was praying. For a fresh revelation of forgiveness. For a deeper understanding of God’s heart. For a knowledge that He saw me as holy and whole.
But after three hours I had to go to work. And honestly, I felt kind of ‘bleurgh’.
And then I opened my living room door and saw a package waiting.
I support a jewellery making organisation each month and they send an item that’s been handmade by women being supported through their project to me. Normally it’s something small like a ring or a bracelet.
But this was a package, not an envelope. Bigger than expected.
And so I opened the package and I pulled out this brilliant white scarf that was the colour of fresh snow.
And immediately Holy Spirit spoke to me.
‘That’s how I see you. That’s how I clothe you. That’s what covers you.’
‘Come now, let us settle the matter,’ says the Lord. ‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool’. (Isaiah 1:18).
Sometimes, the answer’s waiting on the other side of the living room door.
I don’t know what kind of day you’re having. But I pray that wherever you are, you’d hear the voice of God. And that wherever you look, you’d see what it is He’s doing. And that maybe this would be the reminder you’d need.
Big love to you guys.